..it's killing me..

..it's killing me..
..knowing you're gone forever..
..why do i want to fight for this so much..
..why can't it be you and me..
..it's killing me so much knowing i am so hopeless..
..i still love you..i still want you..
..why do you have to come in and out of my life..

..i miss it..

..i miss it..
..i miss it when you text me all day..
..i miss it when you text me even when am beside you..
..i miss it when you call me when am just a few feet away from you..
..i miss it when you wake me up in the middle of the night just to exchange text messages..
..i miss it when we use to exchange voice messages..
..i miss it when you call me to your place..
..i miss it when i always get lost just to be with you..
..i miss it when you drive me home..
..i miss it when you call me just to say thank you i attended one of your events..
..i miss it when you called..and i didn't have to talk..i just have to listen to your voice...
..i miss staying at your place..
..i miss having mcdo for dinner with you..
..i miss it when you always buy a 'cheese burger' when you know i hate cheese so much..
*you'd scrape of the cheese out of the burger and have it for yourself*
..i miss exchanging french fries with you..
..i miss the way you munch on your food then suddenly kiss me..
..i miss it when we drink soda together..
..then we'd taste like the soda when we kiss..
..i miss the way you squeeze me..
..when you squeeze me real tight..
..i miss spending time with you..even if it's just for a few minutes..
..i miss it when you beg for a voice message..
..i miss all the nights we shared..
..i miss sharing my pillow with you..
..i miss the way you squeeze me when i sleep..
..i miss it when you snore..
*it keeps me up all night*
..i miss staying in your arms,,
..i miss you..
..i miss everything about you..
..when i play with your hair..
..i miss you..
..i just miss you..
..the you..
..

..nothing hurts more than this..

..nothing hurts more than this...

..when someone lets go of you when all you want to do was stay..
..when you're willing to fight and to face all complications..
..but things itself had quit on you..

..nothing hurts more than this...
..when all you want to do was to love him..til the end..
..but he keeps pushing you away and makes you stop loving him..

..when you've found a reason to live..
..but it is what kills you too..

..now that i've got dreams...
..now that i've got plans..
..when you've found a reason to live..
..just when you've found your purpose...
..when you've found life..

..it just kills you the instant you started to breathe..

..now it's really hard to start over..
..it's hard to find another reason to live..
..when all you wanted to live for was what kills you..

..the reason why you would always want to wake up in the morning...
..facing another day to love you..
...i just want to love you..
..i feel so weak facing another day..without you beside me..

..nights we had..
..dreams we shared..
..promises we made..
..love we built..
..story we constructed..

..the me i used to be..
..you played the reason for me to change..
..now..i don't know how to make this through..
'my heart may never mend..and you'll never get to love me again..'

..you'll never get to love me again..
..worst thing..
..nothing hurts more than this..
..how can two become one..then part..

..how can i possibly forget all the things you told me??
..promises you made..
..a part of me you lived in..

..i think i can never get over this..
..if it's real..and true..it won't die..
..i may love someone else in the future..
..but not as real as this..

..we both only can prove things in time..
..in time..to prove both of us..together..and individually..
..you've made space for us both to grow..
..i might really be thankful for that..
..i need to be a lot more stronger than this..
..to be more self-sufficient..
..how long does it have to take??
..i have no idea..
..i would want to wait..
..but fear fills in..
..though i trust you..i believe you..
..i just fear that you'd be a different person in time..
..someone i never knew..
..someone i never would have thought that i would have in my arms..
..locked my lips with..
..breathe with..lived with..
..now am squeezing the pillow we used to share..:(
..soak it with tears..

..i never get tired of you..i never will..
..i just have no idea how am i gonna live through this..
..either will i regret you..

..i could say more..do more..
..only if i'd have the chance again..

..i'd stay quiet..
..not sure how's it gonna be..
..one thing i know..
..i can't stop myself loving you..
..even if you're gone..

..ilychi...
..ily so much..
..can't do anything but miss you terribly..

..ilychi..

..how long does it have to take..

..how long does it have to take getting over you??

..i really don't want you out of my life but why do you have to push me away..

..why is it so hard to squeeze the truth out of you..


..why do you make me feel you care for me..
..but excruciate me with your words..

..dolor..

..my dolor..my felicity..

..dolor and felicity of one cause..

..leaving is a crucial decision..

..waking up crying...

..is that even a normal thing to do first thing in the morning????

..i thought slowly am being over you..

..how come am missing you so much..

..so much that i am so craving of waking up next to you..

..and when i don't find you beside me...

..it brings sorrowful tears.

..it is so mundane..

..it is so mundane..
..living in this planet and having to go on with the culture..

..just because everyone does something else, doesn't mean having to have to do it..

..doing the wrong thing is wrong..even if everybody does it..
..doing the right thing is right..even if you're the only one doing it..

..a saying oftenly ignored..
..make a difference..
..start from within...

..set an example...so as for the others to follow...

..left without a choice..

..i can't but i have to..
..i have to grow..
..i have to figure things out on my own..
..learn reality of life..
..sometimes we have to be broken to have a good start..

..i am broken and torn apart..
..i failed..i stumbled and fall..
..
..i want to be strong in terms like this..
..i have to move on..

..i have to leave all memories of you behind..
..i have to keep going..

..i hate this feeling

..i hate this feeling..
..makes me real crazy..
..i keep asking myself.."what have i NOT done??"
..where did i lack??..what did i lack??..
..wasn't my love sufficient??

..now..why can't i just go on and forget about you..
..why con't i just regret you and move on..

..why do these tears always have to come..
..why do i have to think of you before i go to sleep at night.
..why do you still have to be my very first thought in the morning..

..why do i always worry about you..
..why do i ask these questions..
..why do i still care about you so much..
..when you care less..

.why does she have to exist..

..why did we have to exist..

..never ending Ys..

..it's getting harder and harder to breathe each day..

..i am left wih a sulken mind..

..drowning with all sorts of questions that i may not find any answers to it..

..i deserve to be love, and i love to much..

..i've given my all..how could you say i am not enough..

..would someday come for us..

..why'd you allow yourself to fall for another..

..why am i not enough..

..i hate the fact that i am still so inlove with you..

..i hate the fact taht i allowed myself to love you more than enough..

..it was so easy to love you..

..why is it so hard to forget you..or hate you..

..what it seems to be..

..why can't i accept the fact that you've found someone new..
..why can't i just go on and think i have a better life than yours..
..why am i still hoping for a future with you..inspite of all the pain i've been through with you..
..why can't i just choose to be happy..


..so there's this guy..
..who made me fall in love with him..
..made promises with his sweet tongue..
..and broke it also withhis tongue..

..you've done me wrong..
..i've provoked wrong things to you..

..why can't i accept that you are not for me..
..that there's someone more deserving than you..
..someone who could appreciate things i've done for you..

..i want you to notice allthe things i've done and given you..
..why do you still search for others..
..why can't you give me answers..
..what have i done that made you change your mind..

..i hate you so much that i love you..

..me..moving on..

..moving on might be the hardest thing to do..
..and it is a must that at one point we have to..

..i've got my own life..
..whatever stops me..i've got to leave..
..moving on is never an easy thing for us humans to do..

..i was promised this and that..
..i was told i'd be loved..
..i was told to be the last..
..i was told a lot of sweet things..
..i was scared to lose him..
..i was told that no matter what happens, our story would never end..

..i felt secure..
..i felt happiness and love wrap around me..
..i was loved..who wouldn't want to be loved by someone you love??!

..he wants me to go on..
..he told me to stay and never ever give up on what we have..
..i learned to love him, me, 'us'..

..there's never a perfect story when problems set in..
..troubles surround us and allowed it to beat 'us'..

..now..everything's gone..
..i can never own something i just borrowed..

..i've got to live my life now without anyone but Him..

..He's given me talents and abilities to that would adore Him..

..in time..i might meet my significant other 'again'..
..in time..we're both better..
..wrong stories..i really pray would be right if we learn things on our own..

..moving on..
..starting over..
..finding my purpose..
..going on..
..is what i have to do..
..to find the better me..
..to live my life to the only one source of life..





..am still hoping you'd be the right one for me..
..no matter what we've been through in life...

..still confused..

..confused..
..where am i?
..what am i feeling?
..who am i??

..i am human..
..i can feel..
..i feel empty..
..i am alone..

..starting over..

..am scared to be someone 'who i was'..
..i am who i was..
..i was someone without anything before i met him..
..i had no dreams..i had no goals..
..i only had fantasies..
..i never knew who i really was..or what's in me..
..all i know..i breathe..without knowing the real purpose..

..he came and happened to me in a way i never thought it would..
..for years, i felt i am loved..and accepted by someone who wouldn't question who i am..
..someone God used to be the medium to find my life..
..someone God used to form my dreams..
..i slowly found me..slowly finding the purpose of my life..

..but..being cultural..
..i had the attention i never deserved to have..
..i kissed those lips i shouldn't have..
..i look into the eyes of a person who's not mine..
..i lived by a lie..
..i was taken of by fantasy..
..i lived a dream am supposed to be leading..

..i was happy..
..i was overwhelmed..
..i had everything..
..i am not a failure..
..i have the man i've dreamt about..

..i can be who i am when i am with him..
..i had the whole world..
..i know i can have my dreams come true..


..one mistake..i made him my life..
..i turned away from Him who gave me him..
..i am supposed to live my life with him for Him..
..i didn't..

..and now i am hurting..
..i am failing..

..i don't know where to start..
..i want the dreams i want to work hard for..

..i really get used to being with him..
..i was told i could be confident enough am gonna have him in my life..

..i don't know how to start over without out someone that makes me go on..
..that makes me hold on to my dreams..
..i don't know who i am now without him..

..i don't know how to start my life now that i don't have the reason to live..
..i am left so broken..

..i don't know who i am..
..i don't wanna be who i was..





..starting over..left with nothing..
..might be the hardest thing to do..
..especially, you don't know where to start, how to start..
..and who to start with...

..am a changed person..
..i am a better person..
..someone is the reason for my change..
..but what about now??
..how can i still be someone without the reason of being me..

..i am so lost..